29 October 2006

The Freedom of Speech Protection Act 2007

If Assistant Metropolitan Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur has his way this Act will:

  1. Criminalise flag burning: It has been proven that flag-burning is a "gateway crime" that can lead on to much more serious acts of anti-social behaviour, such as standing on the left on escalators and swearing. Police chiefs are especially concerned that those that engage in such activity might soon be thinking independently.
  2. Ban demonstrators from covering their faces: Ugly people will be allowed to apply for a special exemption from this rule, as long as the necessary paperwork is filed 7 days in advance.
  3. Tougher powers to arrest demonstrators seeking to inflame tensions: Ibuprofen and aspirin will be rewarded, as they ease tension headaches.
  4. Speech Certificates: Those wishing to voice their opinion in "designated areas" will have to apply to the police for permission to do so.
The eagle-eyed amongst you might have noticed I've made one of these up. Can you guess which one it is?

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(Click to enlarge)

Yes, that's right, it was number 4, because this has already been enacted in the Serious Organised Crime and Police Act 2005.

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