WoW

With all the hype of an impending bird flu outbreak, we clearly took our eyes off the ball in not spotting this happening.

Don't Mention the War

Seen/heard on the BBC today:

"Germans are going to the polls"

I thought all that was dealt with 60 years ago.

The Tory Contenders

The BBC has helpfully provided a list of the contendors for the Tory top job. Well, not quite, there are a few notable omissions, so here's the full list:

• Adam Afriyie MP
• Peter Ainsworth MP
• David Amess MP
• Rt Hon Michael Ancram QC MP
• Rt Hon James Arbuthnot MP
• Peter Atkinson MP
• Richard Bacon MP
• Tony Baldry MP
• Greg Barker MP
• John Baron MP
• Henry Bellingham MP
• Richard Benyon MP
• John Bercow MP
• Sir Paul Beresford MP
• Brian Binley MP
• Crispin Blunt MP
• Peter Bone MP
• Tim Boswell MP
• Peter Bottomley MP
• Graham Brady MP
• Julian Brazier TD MP
• James Brokenshire MP
• Angela Browning MP
• Simon Burns MP
• David Burrowes MP
• Alistair Burt MP
• Sir John Butterfill MP
• David Cameron MP
• Douglas Carswell MP
• Bill Cash MP
• Christopher Chope OBE MP
• James Clappison MP
• Greg Clark MP
• Kenneth Clarke QC MP
• Geoffrey Clifton-Brown MP
• Derek Conway MP
• Sir Patrick Cormack
• Geoffrey Cox MP
• Stephen Crabb MP
• Rt Hon David Curry MP
• David Davies AM MP
• Philip Davies MP
• Quentin Davies MP
• Rt Hon David Davis MP
• Jonathan Djanogly MP
• Rt Hon Stephen Dorrell MP
• Nadine Dorries MP
• James Duddridge MP
• Rt Hon Iain Duncan Smith MP
• Alan Duncan MP
• Philip Dunne MP
• Tobias Ellwood MP
• Nigel Evans MP
• David Evennett MP
• Michael Fabricant MP
• Michael Fallon MP
• Mark Field MP
• Rt Hon Eric Forth MP
• Dr Liam Fox MP
• Mark Francois MP
• Christopher Fraser MP
• Roger Gale MP
• Edward Garnier QC MP
• David Gauke MP
• Nick Gibb MP
• Cheryl Gillan MP
• Paul Goodman MP
• Robert Goodwill MP
• Michael Gove MP
• James Gray MP
• Chris Grayling MP
• Damian Green MP
• Justine Greening MP
• John Greenway MP
• Dominic Grieve MP
• Rt Hon John Gummer MP
• Rt Hon William Hague MP
• Philip Hammond MP
• Stephen Hammond MP
• Greg Hands MP
• Mark Harper MP
• Rt Hon Sir Alan Haselhurst MP
• John Hayes MP
• Oliver Heald MP
• Rt Hon David Heathcoat-Amory MP
• Charles Hendry MP
• Nick Herbert MP
• Mark Hoban MP
• Rt Hon Douglas Hogg QC MP
• Philip Hollobone MP
• Adam Holloway MP
• John Horam MP
• Rt Hon Michael Howard QC MP
• Gerald Howarth MP
• Jeremy Hunt MP
• Nick Hurd MP
• Rt Hon Michael Jack MP
• Stewart Jackson MP
• Hon Bernard Jenkin MP
• Boris Johnson MP

• David Jones MP
• Daniel Kawczynski MP
• Robert Key MP
• Julie Kirkbride MP
• Rt Hon Greg Knight MP
• Eleanor Laing MP
• Jacqui Lait MP
• Mark Lancaster TD MP
• Andrew Lansley CBE MP
• Edward Leigh MP
• Rt Hon Oliver Letwin MP
• Dr Julian Lewis MP
• Ian Liddell-Grainger MP
• David Lidington MP
• Rt Hon Peter Lilley MP
• Sir Michael Lord MP
• Tim Loughton MP
• Peter Luff MP
• Rt Hon Andrew Mackay MP
• Rt Hon David Maclean MP
• Anne Main MP
• Humfrey Malins CBE MP
• John Maples MP
• Rt Hon Michael Mates MP
• Rt Hon Francis Maude MP
• Rt Hon Theresa May MP
• Anne McIntosh MP
• Patrick McLoughlin MP
• Patrick Mercer OBE MP
• Maria Miller MP
• Anne Milton MP
• Andrew Mitchell MP
• Malcolm Moss MP
• David Mundell MP
• Dr Andrew Murrison MP
• Brooks Newmark MP
• Stephen O'Brien MP
• George Osborne MP
• Richard Ottaway MP
• James Paice MP
• Owen Paterson MP
• Andrew Pelling AM MP
• Mike Penning MP
• John Penrose MP
• Eric Pickles MP
• Mark Prisk MP
• Mark Pritchard MP
• John Randall MP
• Rt Hon John Redwood MP
• Rt Hon Sir Malcolm Rifkind QC MP
• Andrew Robathan MP
• Hugh Robertson MP
• Laurence Robertson MP
• Andrew Rosindell MP
• David Ruffley MP
• Lee Scott MP
• Andrew Selous MP
• Grant Shapps MP
• Richard Shepherd MP
• Mark Simmonds MP
• Keith Simpson MP
• Hon Nicholas Soames MP
• Caroline Spelman MP
• Sir Michael Spicer MP
• Robert Spink MP
• Richard Spring MP
• Rt Hon Sir John Stanley MP
• Anthony Steen MP
• Gary Streeter MP
• Graham Stuart MP
• Desmond Swayne TD MP
• Hugo Swire MP
• Robert Syms MP
• Sir Peter Tapsell MP
• Ian Taylor MBE MP
• David Tredinnick MP
• Andrew Turner MP
• Andrew Tyrie MP
• Ed Vaizey MP
• Shailesh Vara MP
• Peter Viggers MP
• Theresa Villiers MP
• Charles Walker MP
• Ben Wallace MP
• Robert Walter MP
• Nigel Waterson MP
• Angela Watkinson MP
• John Whittingdale OBE MP
• Rt Hon Ann Widdecombe MP
• Bill Wiggin MP
• David Willetts MP
• David Wilshire MP
• Rob Wilson MP
• Ann Winterton MP
• Sir Nicholas Winterton MP
• Jeremy Wright MP
• Tim Yeo MP
• Rt Hon Sir George Young Bt MP

Apologies if I missed some members of the House of Lords that are hoping to stand.

The Lion Roars Again

Following his previous post on this blog, Charles Clarke MP and Home Secretary* has written in again to explain the latest anti terror arrests and his new anti-terror proposals:

"Another successful raid against dirty little foreigners that want to destroy the British way of life. As some of you may be aware, a few of those detained were acquitted earlier this year of being part of a plot to spread Ricin around the UK. Well, through legal channels or otherwise, we got the bastards, and hopefully this time judges will come to heel and learn that they should do what I say. Roar!

Will the Lion sleep tonight?

I've also announced today my new anti-terror proposals. The most significant of these are outline below:

• The right to detain suspects for up to 3 months - Currently we can only detain suspects for 2 weeks, which isn't nearly long enough for us to teach them all the songs in Les Miserable. Look out next year for the Home Office production, touring a theatre near you (Book early to avoid disappointment). This is the only reason we detain these criminals, there's not much else we can find out in 3 months that we couldn't find out in 2 weeks.
  
• Those applying for British citizenship must be "of good character" - Some wags have pointed out this would mean the withdrawl of citizenship to some who already have it, and they are right. All British citizens must now be of a non-Arab appearance, have gone to University and vote Labour.
  
• New offence against indirect incitement of terrorism - No, I don't know why I'm proposing this ridiculous offence either.
  

I hope that clears up any doubts you left/centre/right-wing pansies have and if you have any questions, please address them to my middle finger.

I am a lion, hear me roar,
Charles Clarke, MP."

* It's not really him fool.

Obvious Joke Alert

A sequel to the old joke alert, this story on BBC News caught my eye:
"Sports minister Richard Caborn* says our footballers should learn to conduct themselves like England's cricket team.
"Football has something to learn from cricket: respect for officials, for each other as professionals and for the opponents," said Caborn."
Seems only fair to me, after all cricketer Freddie Flintoff learnt how to drink off footballer George Best.

Cousins?

* I'd only just heard of him too.

Ich bin ein Berliner

The Guardian launched their new mid-sized (Berliner) newspaper today, so being the sucker for advertising that I am, I bought it...
... And I liked it! I used to sporadically read The Guardian, but was put off it when The Independent went tabloid because, well, I don't have arms the width of London Bridge. The new format, however, is actually easier to handle than the "compact newspapers", as the main paper is still as slim as it's broadsheet predecessor. It also makes good use of it's full colour pages, paticularly today's centre page spread of troops in Belfast.

PS. No, JFK never did say he was a jelly doughnut.

Too True

Via Will Howells and The Current Outlook:

Jerusalem: An Anthem for England

Tonight on BBC4, Jerusalem: An Anthem for England:

Complementing the Last Night of the Proms, this film looks at the popularity of one of England's favourite hymns and asks, should Jerusalem be adopted as a national anthem?

BBC4, quiet isn't it?

The answer to this is an obvious "yes", if only for the look on Ariel Sharon's face when our Prime Minister visits Israel and steps off the plane to this magnificent song.

Since I found Serenity

Like my friend Alex, I'm looking forward to the upcoming Firefly movie "Serenity".
A quick search on Google reveals that Serenity is also the brand name for Tena's male incontinence products.

It's good to share.

Zimbabwe and The Interpreter

A sure fire contender for the No Shit Sherlock Award is Zimbabwe's Acting Information Minister, Chen Chimutengwende, who has claimed that The Interpreter is part of a CIA-sponsered campaign against Zimbabwe.
Whilst it's certainly not "CIA-sponsered", it is an attack against Zimbabwe, but then that's what happens when you kill people isn't it Mr Silly. Say this after me Mr Chimutengwende:

"Killing people is wrong, wrong, wrong. White lives are worth the same as black lives, lives, lives."

Now just repeat that until you choke on your numbered account in Switzerland.

Mr Chen Chimutengwende

Mr Chimutengwende also (apparently) has his own Yahoo Profile if you wish to contact him, it's here and even has his Hotmail email address -> chenchim@hotmail.com

Animal Rights: The Response Part II

As previously promised - although admittedly a bit late - here is the other response I received to my posting on Gladys Hammond and the animal rights issues from Uncaged Campaigns:

Thanks for your email. Where to start?! Firstly, it seems much is taken from info supplied by the RDS (Research Defence Society). The RDS is a lobby group funded by the pharmaceutical and chemical companies with the sole purpose of promoting the use of animals in experiments. That's all they do and they should never be viewed as an 'independent' source of information about animal experiments.

I accept that (and so do they), which is why I doublechecked all the facts on their site against Wikipedia or other sources (in fact I dropped a couple of lines from my post because I couldn't find independent verification of what RDS were saying). In my mind, they haven't done themselves any favours by attacking the source of the information rather than the facts of it, it's a far too old trick. They continue:

Below are two statements we issued recently in light of the news about Newchurch and the RDS letter, followed by the text from out most recent anti-vivisection leaflet. Please also see our website at:
www.uncaged.co.uk/vivisect.htm#debate and www.curedisease.net/index.shtml .

Rather than post the entire text of the statements they sent me, you can view them here and here. Read them if you dare/have the time and make up your own mind.