31 January 2005

Thank God

Jarvis has been rescued from financial disaster by refinancing all 14 of the PFIs it is involved in. Jarvis was about to go bankrupt, but now, thanks to the genius of it's directors, it can go on to create more havoc, such as the Potters Bar rail crash or the late completion of a local halls of residence, in the United Kingdom.
I was nearly worried for a second there...

28 January 2005

Covered in steaming Kilroy

This story definitely needs a rewrite:

"A man has been arrested after farm manure was thrown over Robert Kilroy-Silk in Manchester.

The former MP and current MEP was attacked outside Manchester High School for Girls last month as he prepared for a BBC Radio 4 show.

Greater Manchester Police detained a 37-year-old man, from Wilmslow, Cheshire, on Thursday in order to give him a medal and keys to the city.

There are rumours that the unnamed attacker will receive a mention in the Birthday Honours List, possibly a knighthood."

23 January 2005

Back to the Brothel

From the NY Times Daily News Headlines email I received today:
"A year after Nicholas D. Kristof freed Srey Mom from sex slavery in Cambodia, stigma and low self-esteem forced her back into prostitution. This column includes an interactive feature."
An interactive feature... Really? Sounds saucy.

20 January 2005

A wise and sage move

Oh joy!
Stephen Fry will be playing the Voice of the Guide in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
A fantastic piece of casting that could've been topped only by having the original voice of the guide in the movie (he passed away a few years ago, unfortunately).

15 January 2005

Busted

Yet more proof that there is a god.
Now all that needs to be done is to tell McFly there's a new album contract for them if they dress up as members of the Third Reich and watch their popularity plummet.
PS. Drink Coca Cola

The Bomb

Some people wonder how the American people could've elected a chimpanzee and so do I, sometimes. But then I see stories like this and realise why, the people in power are all chimpanzees and therefore there is no choice for the poor American people.

13 January 2005

Realising the Obvious

Yep, the US Government has finally put 2 and 2 together and got 4.

PS. George Bush hasn't got the hand of advanced mathematics, so they've illustrated what's going on using special playing cards and a Punch and Judy show.

12 January 2005

07 January 2005

David Dickinson

Davic Dickinson "Cheated Tsunami Death"

If I was feeling particularly tasteless I'd rewrite one of the paragraphs into;
"Bargain Hunt host David was relaxing on holiday with his wife Lorne in a Malaysian beauty spot when a 15ft wave engulfed them. Lorne was forced to cling on to David who, as one of the last remaining British Redwoods, was able to float as a series of waves crashed on to the shore of the idyllic island of Langkaii."
But I'm not feeling tasteless, so everything's ok.

06 January 2005

Daily Mail O Matic

I've had the link on my side bar for a while, but I was playing with the Daily Mail-O-Matic today and came up with this headline:

"Do the Germans infect the Queen with Aids?"
Can't get any more Daily Mail than that.

TV Debate

"For the reasons I have given before, the answer is no"
And what reasons would these be pray?